Fallen Catholic  (continued)

Okay, this is not a Catholic problem at all.  The American sexual morality play is a convoluted mess.  Teaching our progeny the basics of human sexuality is wrapped up in superstition and ignorance actively propagated by conservatives in all sects.  It would be great if we could point to enlightened wisdom from Jesus on this one, but Jesus was asleep at the wheel on the subject.  He was certainly a radical liberal when it came to the subject of adultery but only within the context of his own time.  

Being honest about our sexual appetite within the confines of Catholicism is just impossible.  The effects of testosterone are as irresistible as the urge to eat.  As soon as we finish a sexual encounter, the clock begins ticking again toward another indulgence.  Females are less prone to the aggressive tendencies native to males but their urges are no less pervasive.  If we would just be honest about this most basic need, we could forge a moral code that makes more sense.  

My wife has told me about the infidelity issues that plagued her first marriage.  Her husband frequently stayed out all night.  She was a devout Catholic and starved for attention.  A nurse and a beautiful woman, she was the object of affection for many of the wealthy doctors she assisted.  Her husband encouraged her to find a boyfriend so that she would not feel so neglected.  But she had no interest in that kind of behavior and the nagging emotional weight became too much for her.  So her intense desire to start a family with a loving husband was gradually beaten down and nearly silenced.  She fell into depression.  When she was at the nadir of her struggle, a Catholic priest tried to comfort her by saying, “There are far more horrible sins in this world than those of infidelity.”  

Perhaps some kind of sexual identity program would have steered her clear of that first painful marriage.  She did not share the same sexual appetites as her spouse.  And it seems to me, looking back on my days as a thirty-year-old, that men and women in that age group are not naturally monogamous.  Testosterone rules the brains of that younger age group.  The first step towards healing our diseased sexual identity is to recognize the difference instead of denying it.  As a middle aged man in his late fifties, I no longer feel the intense urges brought about by high levels of testosterone.  I am sincerely grateful for the respite.    

Fidelity is now its own reward for me.  But as a thirty-year-old I had to hide from those proclivities.   Back then, fidelity was a prison that I had to bear in order to gain respect.  Fortunately, I was married for only a fraction of my early years.  Otherwise I doubt that I would have been able to remain faithful to one partner for long.  That is why I believe there must be an acceptance that older men cannot set the standards for younger men.  Women must set standards only for themselves.  And the reason for the divergence of values is tied inexorably to libido.