Chapter 2:  Sin

I hate to break it to you.  If you are Catholic and thought the rules governing sex have evolved, you are just flat wrong.  Extramarital sex, divorce and masturbation are still mortal sins.  They will still land you in hell unless you confess them in the Sacrament of Penance or make a “perfect” act of contrition.  They are still just as grave and mortal as killing, stealing, water boarding and starting a needless war.  Okay, I added those last two for political reasons.  

Mortal sin is just plain evil.  The idea came from John:
If you see your brother or sister committing what is not a mortal sin, you will ask, and God will give you life to such a one - to those whose sin is not mortal. There is sin that is mortal; I do not say you should pray about that. All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that is not mortal.

Wow. Either John was not the brightest tool in the shed or the translator was dyslexic. This is typical Bible mumbo jumbo. And it is the foundation upon which the church has built their thesis for mortal and venial sin. Incredible!

So for those of us who like to masturbate (i.e. half the population) life after death is gonna be hot.  Same for those of us who have divorced or fooled around or had sex with our high school sweethearts in the back of a ‘62 Malibu with black grillwork and mag wheels.  You might think that in today’s enlightened world, there should be some Bishops or Cardinals who are actively seeking to change this silliness.  But if they exist, they are doing a good job of keeping their frightened little mouths shut.  

The idea that sins like masturbation are just as grave as murder needs a bit of examining.  But if your criterion for changing the Church is based on tradition, those idiocies will survive at least another millenium.  So you might ask why the Catholic hierarchy is so blind to the practicalities of moral living.  You might ask how the people making decisions manage to isolate themselves so effectively from true grace and morality.  And you would not be alone in asking those salient questions.  But what you must understand about the Catholic leadership is that they have utterly no desire whatever to lead.  My guess is that most of them have had illicit sex of one kind or another and are so ashamed of their behavior that they refuse to look at the basis of mortal sin in a critical way.  In short, they are afraid to change the underlying principles because they fear losing control of the necessary evolutionary curve.  

So those of us who are falling or fallen Catholics are brave enough to admit there are enormous problems.  But those of us who are conservative Catholics are too cowardly to allow a logical inquiry.  And since it is far easier to constantly purge liberals, the need for real change is moot.  

Okay, enough boring philosophical rhetoric.  Let’s talk about meat.  

I loved Fridays at the Catholic Church.  After mass they would have a big fish fry with bingo booths and cake wheels.  If it was Friday, it was fish day.  And man we really raked in the cash on fish day.  The sin of eating meat on Friday was a cause for consuming mass quantities of marine fauna.  So you can imagine our surprise when they informed us that it was no longer a sin to eat meat on Friday!

Everybody knows that it used to be a sin...a mortal sin...to each meat on Friday.  Not any more.  Not only is it not a mortal sin.  It isn’t a tiny little venial sin either.  In fact, it is no sin at all.  So how does such a thing go from sending a soul to hell for eternity to being no problem?  Aha!  Now you see why conservatives refuse to reform their insipid, arcane rules.  When you admit a rule is stupid, you unleash the hounds!  Suddenly you are forced to admit to a cornucopia of mindless dictums.  And there you have it.  The slippery slope!  And so as a conservative, you defend every rule with a viciousness heretofore reserved for the lashing of money changers and complex derivative managers.  Oops.  I dropped my political pants again.  Sorry.