Are you in sales? Jesus, I am so sorry. Let me ask you something. Is it not the shittiest and the greatest job in the world? I mean don't you love calling someone and pretending to chitchat......

Hello? Elmer? It's Rod. Yeah …. again....hey I just thought of somethin...

(then you scramble around with your notes looking for some small talk topic that Elmer loves to talk about)

You know the last time we talked ( You find something scribbled on a pad that looks like bball.)

Seems like you told me you were a huge basketball fan.

Long pause.

I mean baseball fan. What? What? Oh yeah! Bocci ball! How could I forget that? I knew that.

Did I tell you about my New York.....oh.....I did.

Yes yes yes I understand.....I'm busy too! (They tell you to say you're busy even tho you've been trying to chitchat aimlessly and he knows this is a fucking sales call)

Huh? No, hell no. This is NOT a sales call. (They tell you to lie about it as if the guy on the other end is a complete moron.)

Definitely NOT!

Huh? Why was I calling? Uh......I was wondering if we could get together for some coffee..... on me!

(They always tell you that coffee saves everything....as if they are incapable of having coffee without sitting across from a fucking salesman....and the whole “I'm buyin'" shit is supposed to disarm them.)

What? Oh....you don't drink coffee......well how about.....you don't drink tea either. Why do I want to meet with you?  Uh....

Now you really are desperate, having hauled out the ace card, the coffee card. Your instinct is to fold but for some reason you hang on,,,,,hoping for divine inspiration.

Is there some kind of bocci channel on TV? No? I see. Well there sure as hell should be one don't you think? ….... No No Definitely NOT a sales call.

So when can we get together?

What do you mean “what for?” Suddenly, you go off script.

Pussy man! I need a wing man. Huh? What? You are? Oh I'm so sorry. I didn't mean....No, I had no idea......who? Me? Why would you think? ….... Oh......OH! Yeah. I get it. Yeah. I am so sorry.

Yeah. Hey I understand.

You have to get back.....yeah.....no big deal. Hey before you go could I ask one more question? Do you mind if I check back in a week or two.....(click)

How do you like that! The sonofabitch hung up on me!

Let me tell you something. Salesmen do not think you are stupid. Sales managers think you are stupid. They think everybody is stupider than they are. They are narcissistic egotistical megalomaniacs. They write these ridiculous scripts for you because they think their way is the only way.....despite the fact that every fucking salesman uses the same lame script every fucking time he calls someone. And they have been to a hundred sales seminars that sell the same baloney to the same gullible sales managers hoping to get rich off the same old, brand new, never before revealed high pressure sales techniques. Guaranteed!

Such incredible assholes!

Now don't get me wrong. I have a manager that does not believe this horse shit. He is a great guy and his team is outperforming all the others who try to use that horse shit. But he is the exception to this rule. He is a genuinely nice guy and he has lots of customers who buy from him because they trust him. And they trust him because he doesn't shovel horse shit. But believe me....he is the exception to the rule.

Which brings me to my theory of selling.  Here it is.  You ready?  Get them to like you by being straight with them.  Answer their questions directly.  Don't obfuscate.  (Look it up, asshole!)

Take a genuine interest and commiserate with their hardships.........

Syria and Peace

I haven't written in the blog for a long time. I have been trying hard to make a living, working two and three jobs at a time and helping Trish as much as possible. Lately, I have been itching to get back to it and the turmoil over Syria is a good place to start.

If you believe, as I do, that America should stop trying to be number one all the time and find a little humility, you are unwilling to allow our politicians to get us into another war. As a staunch supporter of President Obama, I am reluctant to say this, but it is true. We have no business whatsoever going into Syria. Obama is wrong on this issue.

Much to my surprise, there are millions of Republicans who have suddenly found their consciences and converted to the Christian view of peace! I would feel extremely happy for them if I didn't also believe that they are hypocrites..changing their views to make it impossible for Obama to act decisively. I never saw a war that Republicans didn't love until this one. So excuse me while I scoff at their new found meekness.

However, I wish everyone would stop and think for a moment. Imagine what the outcome would have been if France and Germany decided to intervene in America's civil war. I doubt it would have made a bit of difference. We still would have continued killing one another until their was a decisive military victory. Nobody could have stopped us from having our war. So what makes us think we can influence the war in Syria? Or Egypt? Or Libya?

We need to take a lesson from the fictional members of the Federation in Star Trek and keep our hands out of the affairs of distant worlds with less advanced civilizations.

I love you, President Obama, but you are dead wrong about intervening in Syria. Dead Wrong!